I Never Even Saw it Coming
by Aiko Yamada
Summary: Who would have thought that one mistake could change everything? light HikaKao.


**AN: I don't own anything. This story is from Kaoru's POV, and tense changes do mean something. I'm not just trying to mess with your brain. Really. This story is sort of AU, as in it doesn't take place during the normal story time. Enjoy!**

**-**

I never even saw it coming. That's what a lot of people say, rather, would say if they could. A normal outing with my brother that ended abruptly…stupid fate. If I could go back in time, I would. I would give anything to be able to touch him, to smell him, to comfort him…just one more time. Just a moment more so I can say "forgive me."

-

Rays of sunlight rush in through the windowpanes as I lie beside him, his brilliant reddish blonde hair reflecting the sun's radiance. He rolls over to face me with newly opened eyes…eyes that just stare straight on through me, tears of morning at the corners. He doesn't look like he wants to wake up yet. That's the look he always has on his face when he doesn't want to wake up yet. I used to love that look because it meant that I could snuggle up to his warm body, feel his tender skin with my finger tips, and close my eyes knowing that he would put his arms around me and hold me close.

How I wish I could reach out and touch him like that again. Almost out of habit, I put forth my hand to caress his face but stop short. Hikaru rolls onto his back, staring blankly at the ceiling, then sits up. This can't be good. Hanging his head down, he rests his elbows on his crossed legs and holds his forehead. This pain…I sit up beside him like I always do when he gets like this. The sunlight is streaming in bands across his body. I want to hold him, to put my arms around him and pull him close to me. I want to rescue him from this pain he's in.

But I can't. It's my fault he's like this. It's all my fault. If I hadn't been so careless…if I had stopped for even a second…if I had just listened to him, none of this would have happened. I could be there for him, I mean REALLY be there for him, if I had just listened. Who would have thought that one mistake could have ended it all?

-

"Hikaru! Come on! You're so slow sometimes," I teased him. Leisurely running down the sidewalk, Hikaru following close behind, we headed to the park to meet up with the rest of the Host Club gathering. It had been awhile since we'd all been together, so Tono felt the need to arrange a meeting for all of us, a commoner's picnic of sorts. "We'll be late if you don't hurry up! Besides, at this rate it looks like I'll win and you'll have to spend the whole time with Tono while I get Haruhi all to myself" I jokingly said to Hikaru, who now had a blush on his face, whether it be from embarrassment or exertion.

"I won't let you win! Because if you beat me now, I won't let you have that "special" something that you so desperately want" Hikaru yelled back at me.

'How dare he threaten me like that? Hahaha! I'll show him!' The thought caused me to pick up my pace so that I was actually running now. Hikaru was left further behind before he decided to pick up the pace as well.

"Kaoru! KAORU!" he yelled. I wasn't listening. I was going to beat him, to show him up and then apologize like I always do. The last obstacle before the park, a street, and I didn't bother to slow down. I assumed that because there were so few automobiles traveling at that moment that it'd be fine to cross, but I should have listened.

"KAORUUU!" His strained voice reached my ears and I turned my head back to see what the matter was, a giant smile on my face. The last thing I saw was Hikaru's outstretched hand and tears flowing from his widened eyes. My body suddenly was under intense pressure and my sight was gone. Screeching brakes, pain. "Kaoru…Kaoru…Kao…" the sounds drifted away, as did everything else. The sun had set on my life, leaving my other alone in our world.

-

I wanted so badly to return to those days. Hikaru has a strained look on his face, like he's trying to hold back his emotions but is slowly failing. This is all my fault.

A cloud passes in front of the sun, casting a shadow through the window across his body. He lifts his eyes to look forward, finding a photograph in a little shrine, with a stick of incense placed in front on it. He looks at this photograph of me for a few minutes, not saying anything, hardly breathing, hardly moving. Finally he lowers his eyes a few centimeters…tiny droplets of tears escape and trickle down his cheeks, tracing lines that used to be followed by my fingertips.

I can't take this anymore! I have to save him...I have to tell him that it's ok…that I'm still here, tied to his soul…

I reach out to pull him into an embrace, my arms encircling him in a gesture of passion and need, but where my arms should rest on his body, they continue through. No matter how much I long to hold him, I can't. He's in another world, what was once "our" world is now his, and I'm in mine.

Hikaru pulls his arms to his chest, almost curling up on the bed, his face covered in tears, red and worn. He quickly turns his face in my direction, his eyes searching for something. What? His hand comes closer to me as he outstretches his arm, searching. Does he see me? Fully outstretched he rotates his hand so that his palm is open, facing upwards, as if waiting for me to put my hand in his. I reach out to him, placing my hand in his palm, wrapping my fingers around his hand.

"Hikaru…please…please…forgive me." He can't hear me. I close my eyes, holding his hand even though I can't feel it, praying that he could hear me.

His hand closes around mine. A smile and a tear. "I love you…Kaoru."


End file.
